The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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