i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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