yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
