I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
