**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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