I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Randomize
