he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Someone came in the potted fern
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
