Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
