He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
organizing the empties. That sober.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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