Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
