I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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