one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
