Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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