Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
