This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Please don't give away my fajitas
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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