Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
