you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
