The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
