Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
