the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
