You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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