How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
