I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
