His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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