Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
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I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
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im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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