just tell him i said nine months
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
