I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
