wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
