In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
My ATM looks so different sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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