Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
