Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
