Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Vodka?
Forever.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
