Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
