Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
