god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
This house was built for laser tag.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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