im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
