No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
