finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
