yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
