fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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