ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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