so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
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No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
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TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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