Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
