How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
