it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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