Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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