when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
