apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
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I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
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I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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