my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
