I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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