the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
