This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
