i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
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