Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
