Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
