Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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