my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
