i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
