i just wanna soil my oats bro
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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