Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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