I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
