woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
