Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
