Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
