the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
