Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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