no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
