Your tits are I can't wait for
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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