We won't sleep together?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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