He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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