The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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