Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
