My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
