how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
